Meditation and thought processes
Mon, 2009-05-11 06:00
The sun cowers behind an ominous cloud, the wind carries an icy chill, and the sky starts to weep cold rain, but I am on fire! My muscles are tight, they are awaiting further demands. I’m breathing consistently, inhaling through my nose and exhaling from my mouth. I can feel my heart start to accelerate; it fuels an adrenaline that courses through every part of my body. I wipe the fear from my face, look down and realise it was just sweat. Leaving my physical processes alone for a minute, I notice, that the longer such a quandary goes on for, gradually the closer my destination seems to the wall I’m standing on. I have jumped a few times and fallen short on purpose, I don’t know why.
But now I must break these habits. I have decided, I’ve sworn to overcome this obstacle. I am no longer uncertain, there is no if or maybe, only yes or no, do or do not! Once I have this in mind, I cannot be disloyal to myself, there is no turning back. “I must do this perfectly, I can do this”. I’ve repeated this several times to myself, but it’s just psychological. So, I stop. Everything stops. Slowly I am overcome by a sinking feeling. All the sounds start to fade, as if I were under water, my eyes are obscure to all but my destination, My heart starts to slow to a normal pace, I can feel my body jar forwards to a 45c angle, I’ve released a loud exhalation, my arms rush upwards and toward my target, my knees spring into action, I am airborne in just a fraction in time, but everything seems to be in slow motion, I haven’t taken my eyes off the mark. As I am directly above it, I begin my descent, the balls of my feet pound into the wall first, they absorb all the impact, lastly my arms come down and I place my hands onto their landing spot and contract violently. I pause for a moment, I have an overwhelming sense of euphoria, my heart quickly accelerates again, my breathing is heavy, my body is numb. It was perfect.
Then as my surroundings start to vanish, I slowly open my eyes and wait for everything to reset. I am still lying in the same place, I can hear the pebbles patter on the concrete next to me, and the sound of a distant mumble, the bystanders think I’m dead. Light from the sun starts to break through the dark cloud, and casts a halo onto the surfaces. A new lease of life consumes me. I stand onto my feet and dust myself off.
“I’m ready. Now I have to do it for real!” .